Your boss relationship. Do you have a plan?

One of the most common fears that women have about asking for a pay rise is that they are worried that asking for a pay rise will somehow taint and diminish the relationship that they have with their boss.

This begs the question, what is the relationship that you have with your boss? Over the past months as I have asked this question, the feedback that I get is that for the most part we don’t have a plan for the boss relationship in our lives.

Over the course of your career, your boss is the single most influential and important relationship that you have. We all know this, but very few of us have actually stopped to think about what kind of relationship we actually want to have with our boss. And even fewer of us have made notes or a written plan about it. That’s a strange response for a relationship that is so important.

So the question that needs to be answered is; what is the relationship that we want to have with our boss?

What is your boss relationship like now?

Stop and think about it for a moment, what do your boss thinks about you and your performance? How often are you working in close proximity to your boss? Do you get the opportunity to present initiatives and discuss ideas with your boss? Make a few notes about how you see your current relationship. Note things that you think are working well and note areas that you feel could be improved.

How would you like to improve your relationship with your boss?

Being proactive in building a good relationship with your boss can be really beneficial to your career both in the short-term and in the long-term. Answer the following questions to build a vision of how you want your boss relationship to develop.

• What is the relationship I want to have with my boss?
• What do I want to learn from my boss?
• What types of interactions do I want to have with my boss?
• Noting that the conversations that I have with my boss influence and inform my bosses perception of me as a valued member of the team, what are the conversations that I want to have with my boss?
• Noting that the way that I conduct our relationship, and the way that I engage with my boss will inform the tone and style of relationship we have, how do I want to interact with my boss?

Example;

I want to have a positive, open and trusting working relationship with my boss where they are impressed with the work that I do and the manner in which I do it. I want to be considered a valued advisor when my boss if figuring out how to do something. I want my boss to be so happy with the work that I do that they actively find new challenges for me in order to inform and stimulate my professional development and personal growth. My relationship with my boss will be one where my boss will become a personal champion and mentor for me throughout my career providing me with advice guidance and support.

Your statement must be positive and realistic. It is important not to let previous working relationships that may not have been great unduly influence the type of relationship you can have with your current employer. Your new boss is a new and fresh opportunity to start a professional working relationship with someone who has not been tainted by any previous challenges you might have had.

Most bosses are very busy people you will need to take responsibility for managing this relationship. Remember, inattention often comes from their busy work schedule and not as a result of them not wanting to notice the work that you are doing.

Action plan

Once you have finished your statement that describes your desired boss working relationship spend a moment to think about how you will make that vision a reality start by making a small action plan it might include things like;

• I will look for occasions to work with my boss on tasks so I can better understand them.
• I will make a habit of discussing and debriefing projects with my boss so I can better understand what my boss thinks is a good outcome.
• I will check in regularly with my boss to to discuss what is working and what isn't working in our relationship.
• I will demonstrate that I am continuing to learn about our relationship.

Monitor your relationship with your boss

How often do you check in on your relationship with your boss? How often do you reflect on how it’s going? If it’s just your annual performance review, that’s not going to be enough to make an impression.

Go ahead and ask your boss for their advice and suggestions about your relationship. They will be invested in the success of your relationship so don't be worried about asking. When you are being open and honest about your goals and helping them to better understand your needs, then it stimulates them to consider how they can support you better.

Like all relationships it will need work. When you actively manage this relationship, asking for a review of your pay and conditions does not threaten its basis. Instead it becomes part of the longer conversation that you are having with your boss.