Excuse me for getting a bit personal, a little bit intimate with you for a moment, but your voice isn't inside you - it is you. It comes from a combination of air flowing over your vocal chords, from inside of your body. Your sound is expelled into the air around you, just like a bird singing. Okay, okay, because I know there are a few scientists among you, let me add that birds have two sets of vocal organs called syrinx and they are located deeper in their bodies. That's why it often sounds like there are two 'songs' coming from the same bird. Pretty clever eh?
So back to you. Your voice has significant power. Speakers, politicians, actors, singers and performers have known this for years. They train their voices to enable them to deliver powerful performances. The voice is an incredible instrument. To understand a little more about the science of what exactly is going on while you are speaking, check out the TED talk by beatboxer Tom Thum and Dr Matthew Broadhurst. (Google it). In the video you will get to see how Tom moves not just his vocal chords, but also his whole throat to deliver an impressive beatboxing performance. Pro-tip: Don't watch while you're trying to eat lunch.
The resonance of your voice
Ever had that feeling when you have spoken a thought for the first time and immediately felt like it was more real? Like the issue that you had been thinking about and had just spoken all of a sudden had greater gravity because you spoke the words? Yep. That.
So this is part of the reason that I always recommend that you practice your negotiation pitch well before your meeting. It not only gives you some time to get your language into a comfortable place, where it is going to flow better, but it also ensures that you have heard yourself say some numbers, repeatedly. This gets you past your own "sticker shock"* moment and helps you to become more comfortable with the salary and conditions you are asking for. Your voice is shaped in the moment, by your emotion, your breath and your vocal chords. And the first person who gets to experience your voice is you. So be kind to yourself! Put some practice in so that the sound of what you are saying doesn't surprise you in the moment.
Remember to breathe
According to the Australian Lung Foundation you take approximately 22,000 breaths a day. That's fifteen breaths every minute. Of course it varies according to age, health, activity and so on. My point is that you are doing it a lot. And here is me reminding you to do it when you are negotiating. Why? Because anxiety makes us involuntarily hold our breath - but without breath, it's difficult if not impossible to speak.
If the vocal chords are the engine to your speech, then your breath is the fuel. Without moderating your breath, you can get all choked up or words can come out in an in-auditable rush. By pacing your breathing you can moderate your emotions - helping you to feel calm and centred throughout your negotiation.
Finding your authentic voice
There are plenty of negotiation coaches out there that will tell you that you should train your voice and shape it to be more business-like and there are loads of opinions about how women "should" sound. People will obsess over whether you need to use a "deep" voice or get rid of inflections. I am not one of them. Your voice is fine as it is. Don't try to change it. You do not need to fit in with other people's expectations of how you "should" sound. Imagine what we would have lost if Cyndi Lauper had changed her voice to fit in?! It is a concern that comes from a time when your accent revealed your socio-economic status. Think "My Fair lady" and you got it. Thankfully those days are now behind us.
Focus instead on moderating your breath and getting comfortable with what you are saying and just do you boo.