You've got the meeting, you have temporarily calmed your nerves and you've just finished your pitch, laying out the things you would like to discuss. The air between you stretches into an agonising silence. You are sitting there clamping down hard on every urge you have to fill that void with more words. And then it arrives.
"No. Look I'm sorry if that's disappointing, but now is not the time" says your boss in a firm tone.
In this moment it is your job to test that 'no'. Don't back off yet. It's far to early. It is important in this moment to be resilient in the face of that 'no'. (More on mindset hacks in this newsletter next month) There will be a moment here where your brain screams at you to behave and not test the 'no' - ignore it. The scream is all those years of learning that as a women you shouldn't push yourself forward, you shouldn't be a burden. Instead adopt a curious tone and test that 'no' with an open question.
There are plenty of reasons why you get a 'no' and only one of them is a hard 'no'. Human beings frequently use language and words in a way that conveys a meaning that is different from the literal meaning or intention of the words used. A great example of this is when you arrive at your workplace each morning and you will wander in and as you meet your work colleagues you'll often say "Hi, how are you?" Now when you say this the intention is to greet a person and acknowledge their presence. However responding to the literal meaning of the words would evoke a more detailed description of a person's health and wellbeing. Which may not be unwelcome, but was probably not your intention.
The first 'no' you get in a pay rise negotiation is frequently like that. It has a literal meaning which stops the exploration of options, but it is often said to fill a space while your boss is processing what you have just pitched to them.
So here is what you are going to do. You are going to ignore it. Yes, yes, you are going to - temporarily mind you - ignore what your boss just said to you. I want you to ignore it because in this moment, your job is to test why your boss just said that. Other things that 'no' can mean:
You can test the 'no' you have just received by asking open questions in a genuinely curious tone. The tone of your voice, an inflection at the end of your sentence (which is a cue for the other person to understand that it is a question) and your countenance (no folded arms or glaring looks) all reinforce your genuine interest in understanding more. This will re-engage your boss in the conversation and provide you with the opportunity to find out more about why they said no and of course in doing so find a solution to that barrier. Once you find a mutually agreeable solution then you move onto the next Ask item in your pitch.
Sadly however there are times when 'no' really does mean 'no'. If you get a hard no, it is important to round out that conversation with appreciation that your boss has taken the time to explain the situation to you. Of course if it was me, I would then ask; "What 3 things do I have to achieve in the next 6 months that would get me into the salary bracket I am after?" Which of course sets up your next negotiation!